


The List

by notastranger



Series: The Adventures of Newt, Hermann, and their Interns [1]
Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-19
Updated: 2013-11-19
Packaged: 2018-01-02 02:39:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1051544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notastranger/pseuds/notastranger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The new K-Science interns have a little too much time on their hands. Hermann is not amused.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The List

Newton had just put the finishing touches on his artfully disheveled hair when Hermann stormed into their shared quarters, a piece of paper in his hand and a look of fury on his face. Newton was _almost_ entirely certain that it wasn't because of anything he had done, but he rapidly shuffled through his recent memory anyway, while asking "Hey, everything cool?" out of concern and a bid for more time.

"No, everything is not _cool_ ," Hermann replied, his voice a twisted parody of Newton's. He shook the paper once and then thrust it at the other man. "I found this when I entered the lab."

Newton raised his brows and gingerly pried the paper out of Hermann's hand. It was a handwritten list of about a dozen items. "'How Dr. Geiszler and Dr. Gottlieb do the Sex'", Newton read aloud before bursting into laughter. "Oh my God! Who wrote this?"

"Our new interns and it is _not funny_ , Newton!"

"Wait, all three of them? Even Ji-Yoon?"

Hermann jabbed at the paper with his finger, nearly poking a hole in it. "There are three distinct handwriting styles on that page and they match up accordingly with yesterday's progress reports. Stop _laughing_! I know you are fond of the puerile, but this is beyond unprofessional, even by your incredibly low standards."

"Hey, rude," Newton replied in mock offense as he skimmed the items on the list. "Just for that, no number 3 tonight."

Hermann huffed and sputtered like a pot boiling over, but Newton caught him glancing at the paper again, re-checking what number 3 was exactly. "I can't believe you aren't the least bit offended by their profane speculation."

Newt shrugged and continued to read. "Dude, they're barely out of college. Sex is all they think about, and frankly it's a little flattering that they see us as even _capable_ of sex instead of two boring old nerds who-- uh, hold on a sec. These are starting to get weird."

"I told you." Hermann leaned on his cane and looked down his nose in disgust. "It's _vulgar_."

"And a little unbelievable." Newt gave Hermann a thoughtful once-over. "I don't think you even _can_ do number 8."

"I could if I had the proper equipment," Hermann sniffed before blushing brilliantly at Newt's open-mouthed grin. "That isn't the point! They shouldn't be thinking of our private affairs at all!"

"C'mon, Hermann, they were clearly just goofing around when they wrote this. You can't take this sort of thing seriously.”

“Is that so?” Hermann frowned. “Keep reading.”

Newton returned his gaze to the paper and let out an indignant squawk at item number 12. “Hey! How many times do I have to tell people that I don’t love kaiju! Which one of them wrote this? Was it Dante? That kid is such a smart ass…”

“As I said -- completely unprofessional." Hermann lifted his chin, vindicated by Newton's outrage. "And against PPDC protocol, as well. I am certain that this list constitutes sexual harassment."

Newton rolled his eyes. “We’re their bosses, Hermann. It doesn’t work like that.”

"A hostile work environment, then."

Newton looked up at Hermann's magnificent scowl. "Well, it certainly will be one now."

Hermann squared his shoulders and turned towards the door. "I shall file a complaint with Marshall Hansen, then."

"Woah, woah there, Herms. Hold on a second." Newton darted in front of Hermann and placed a restraining hand on his chest. "This is about respect, right? If you go tattle to the Marshall, then the interns won't ever take us seriously."

Hermann hesitated.  "I can't let this go unanswered, Newton."

"That's _fine_. I'll handle it, okay? Leave it up to me."

Hermann gave Newton a dubious look. “I feel like that would be a tremendous mistake.”

“What, you don’t trust me? You wound me, Hermann.” Newton placed a hand over his heart. “You wound me right here.”

“Oh, for God’s sake… all right, you deal with their misbehavior. But don’t you dare go easy on them.”

Newton pressed a kiss against Hermann’s grimace, smiling when he returned it, albeit reluctantly. “No worries, babe. I’ll hit ‘em with both barrels.”

~*~

They hadn’t been in the lab five minutes before Newton clapped his hands, drawing the attention of the interns. “Hey, guys, I need to talk to you three for a couple minutes. C’mere.”

The three interns approached Newton's desk obligingly. Hermann was already at his chalkboards, working on a new theorem related to his breach model, but he paused in his scribbling when Newton started to talk.

“It has come to my attention that you three have been speculating on my and Dr. Gottlieb’s love life.” He held up the handwritten list and felt mild satisfaction at the looks of mortification on those young, fresh faces – well, on Ji-Yoon and Callie’s faces, at least. Dante was trying to hold back a smirk. Smartass.

“We didn’t mean—“ Ji-Yoon started to apologize, but Newton cut her off with a wave of his hand.

“I’m very disappointed. There is glorious _science_ to be done here, and you’re wasting your brainpower on a subject that doesn’t deserve it. So in the interest of putting the matter to rest…” He paused ominously before pointing to the list once more. “We only do numbers 1 through 4. And 5 on weekends, if we’re in the mood.”

Ji-Yoon still looked mortified. Callie was frowning in confusion and Dante stopped trying to hide his smirk. “Told you guys,” he muttered quietly.

Newton crumpled the paper into a ball and tossed it over his shoulder. It would have been cooler if there was a wastebasket behind him but he’d pick it up later. “Points for creativity, but like I said, a total waste of brainpower. Now, if you—“

“Not even number 7?” Callie blurted out. “But you and Doctor Gottlieb fight all the time!”

Newton liked Callie – she reminded him a lot of himself at her age, but unfortunately that also included her tendency to not know when to shut up. “If you’re so interested in reproduction, we have an intact kaiju ovary that still needs dissection.” Callie dropped her gaze, embarrassed, and Newton made a shooing gesture with his hands. “Okay, off you go, back to work, those kaiju samples won’t study themselves.”

The interns scurried like mice back to their workstations and Newton walked over to the chalkboards, clapping a hand on Hermann’s shoulder. “There, problem solved, and you didn’t have to do a thing. Happy?”

Hermann turned to face Newton and pointed at him with a broken piece of chalk, swallowing once and trying to unclench his jaw enough to speak.

Nope, Hermann wasn’t happy. Hermann wasn’t even his typical flavor of annoyed. Hermann was _mad_. “Hey, uh, so maybe I didn’t handle that the way you had hoped? But, really, the best defense is a good offense and they certainly won’t waste time wondering about how we have sex anymore and that was the whole point so all’s well that ends well, right?”

Hermann opened his mouth and shut it again so hard his teeth clacked.

Newton smiled weakly. “How about tonight you pick which movie we watch. And then we can do whatever you want. Anything.”

Hermann leaned in, breath hot on Newton’s ear, and hissed, “Number 7.”

Newton swallowed. Wow, he was so fucked.

But maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing.

**Author's Note:**

> Number 7 is a spanking. :D Feel free to use your imagination for the others!


End file.
